why do i feel like the younger sister left at home?

today my younger sister left to check out a boarding school in rhode island. i was looking for a link to a website that i could put here or at least read about, and i only keep finding negative links that were only slightly related. honestly, there are times when i really do not understand the human race...these people seem so bitter and confused about small really stupid things. (if this isn't making sense so far - feel free to tune out and just ignore this entry, because it's mostly a rant, and it's not likely to get any less confusing unless you have any idea what i am talking about...and i bet most of you don't. i don't want to explain in detail in order to make any misconcepts worse. i guess this is just me talking outloud to an myself and an audience that won't listen. anything in the smaller type and different color you can just kinda ignore if you get really confused.) i just don't get it. yeah, there are things i don't always like, but i logically know why - it's because i might know what's right, but i have this tendency to just ignore it because of my feelings usually laziness or just plain stubborness. yes, sometimes i feel guilty about it, but i don't blame others for putting positive pressure on me to do the right thing. ok, i might feel an extreme sense of annoyance at the time, but usually in hindsight, i understand. gee i wish hindsight worked the same way as foresight, only then i guess it wouldn't be hindsight. sigh. i also don't see it as a cult. if you could just step back and look at all of the positive outcomes instead of merely focusing in on the negatives. look at all the good that is being done. yes, maybe there have been some mistakes in the past, and there probably will be some more in the future, but i hate to break everyone's personal bubble of anger & bitterness, but they are humans. i really don't see the perfect human anywhere. everyone makes mistakes, and mistakes can sometimes have a positive outcome if the lessons learned are taken to heart. i just don't understand. so maybe you had a bad experience with a particular group of people - that doesn't make everyone bad!!!!! i had a bad experience once with taco bell, but i still go there and enjoy their food (without thinking too deeply on all that heathly nutrients that i am forcing down my throat....ha!). so maybe it's not quite the same, but you just have to forgive and forget sometimes - give people a second change. it really bugs me when i read that people are just trying "to protect others from making the same mistakes" by loudly defaming this group of people who are really just trying to grow closer to God. last time i checked, this was supposed to be the goal of all christians. i just really don't get it - why do people refuse to see the good in others? why do they feel the need to defame or even ban good people from trying to help other good people? i think it is sad. where is the love? ok i'm done for now....back to the original topic. so my sister flew out today for the next 6 weeks. now if it was only for a short time, it wouldn't be a big deal, but because it is so long, it feels so weird. i am always the one going of for long trips alone. what if she decides to stay? it will be really weird thinking about her not being at home. i can't imagine what it must be like for my parents or the rest of my family to think of the 2 oldest being gone. maybe i'm just jealous. it steals away my glory about being the first to leave the nest. hmmmm...although i would firmly support her decision should she decide to stay out there, i kinda hope she doesn't. i mean the idea of her living in RI is a little strange still. also, i really loved my 4 years at the academy, and i know she would too. (why would you want to go to an all girls school far away when you could go to a really good coed school here?? i mean, hot guys can be a very big incentive!! haha. though according to julia, there are a lack of them at the academy. alas! anyway, i digress) i didn't ever want to go to school there, so maybe that's another reason why i don't really want her to stay. note to self: nicole is her own person with her own life/ideas/needs who might really like it out there. i guess, it would just take some getting used to - it wouldn't be bad, just strange in the beginning. i guess it hasn't really clicked yet. or the fact that i am leaving (forever!) the academy, and i'm not quite sure i'm ready to do that either. i mean, i am, but i did like it, and i am comfortable there...i do have a fear of the unknown - that is until i get comfortable there too - but that's another topic that i don't need to delve into right now, because i honestly think this one is long enough. geez, sorry, but sometimes i just helps to talk/write it down/let other people know what i am thinking. thanks for listening friend!
steph
ps - now that nicole's gone, i'm going to become the big focus here....2 big questions: (1) what do i need for a 2+ week trip to germany, and (2) what the heck am i supposed to bring to college anyway????? ahhhhhhh!!!!
ps2 - ewwww! i had this tingly sensation that a bug was crawling up my leg....and it was true!!! ewwwww!!! i hate spiders!!!!!!! i'm now going to be scarred for life! ew!